One Little Word

I've not "really" participated in this notion before.
I've thought about it.

{If you've never heard of this it's the idea of picking a word for the year that represents what you want to be/goal/inspiration for a better you type of thing. Ali Edwards talks a lot about it on her blog, you can go there to see the phenomena of it all!}

Last year I went so far as to pick a word that represented something I needed to have more of.....but I never wrote it down, or documented it. It was just there....in the back of my mind. And actually, it served me well, it was well chosen considering the year I had. My word was faith. We've had our fair share of !&%$!! happen to us over the last several years. In 2009, For the first time I had asked "WHY??" Why do we keep getting dumped on??? Seriously, I couldn't take it anymore. I had reached my breaking point. So much of what has happened I have not shared here. Just know...life has been extremely unfair. So when 2010 rolled around I was depressed. Was not looking forward to the new year....in fact I'm pretty sure I posted how I felt about the new year and it wasn't really good! So I determined that all I could do was have more faith.

Faith that my Heavenly Father had a plan for me and that all these horrible things were for my growth and learning. I decided that I would go forth in faith and be grateful things were not worse. For they could always be worse. Those were my thoughts a year ago.

I'm going to put this out there....it might make you think I'm more weird than you already do.....but I had this sense of impending doom. I felt strongly that something would happen to me in 2010. After the initial feeling I kind of let it go, I wasn't obsessed about it. Then things started happening. I had several serious medical scares. Then, as you all know, MS became the talk of my town. As difficult as all of this has been, I stood my ground. I held on to my faith that things would be ok (seriously, I was SO grateful it wasn't worse...that it was something I could(would) live with).
Don't get me wrong....there have been many tears.
I don't want this.
And the stress of it all has taken it's toll.....

Which leads me to my word for 2011. Honestly, I wasn't really planning on choosing a word. But then, it found me. I'd been thinking about what I wanted to accomplish this year. No hard core, let myself down in the end type of goals...I don't do that. But things I wanted to improve on. Things I need to step up to the plate and take responsibility for. I needed to stand up for myself and be the boss of me. When I heard this word it clicked. Instantly. I knew I had decided to play this game ;) It represented what I wanted to do in so many areas of my life.

This year I have hope that things will go well. That it will be a good year. And I also know that my actions will help in making it a good year. So after all that....if you're still interested and reading this....my word is Stand.

I need to stand up and take responsibility for how I treat myself. Physically.
I need to take better care of myself, eat better, move more. Like I said, no set "you will do this" type goals, but just a mental mindset of what I know I need to do. So far, I've been better.

I need to stand up and take better care of my spiritual self. Those daily things I've not done well at. I've let the last few years completely break me. Kind of given up in some ways. No more. I want to be better and I'm working on it. I'm grateful our ward has implemented a goal with a strategy. I am following it.

I want to be a better mother, wife, homemaker, friend. All of it.
I am done sitting.
It is time for me to stand.