Got me some good mamma love this last week. My mom, finally retired, finally able to come at my command (kinda...if it fits in her busy social life). Spent the last week with me and the kids. Don't think I've ever gotten a full solid, really more than that, week from her, ever. It was heaven to me. She is my airport tower, she grounds me. She is solid and down to earth. Despite me being sick almost the whole week, we still had some good times. She cleaned out my fridge, cleaned my stove, cleaned lots of dishes, and best of all, cleaned out my head!
I've still been struggling with finding my little corner of happiness with myself. Stress has taken over, it has sucked the life right out of me. Read recently on a friends blog about finding your passion. What's your purpose, what are you passionate about, what is your mark on the world? All those thoughts have been plaguing me. Am I making a difference, do I have a passion for anything, do I inspire anyone at all!!!??? Feeling like a big freakin' loser...that's what.
But then mamma comes along. We sat in the hot tub one night, till our skin turned into prunes...and there, she grounded me. She asked me the one question I'd never thought of. "Where else would you rather be?" "What else would you rather be doing?" Nothing. I've got everything I've ever wanted. To be a mom, to stay home with my children. To have a man who loves me. I've never dreamed of having some big career. I don't need the "world" to approve of me. Only my family is who I need approval of. They are the ones I need to influence. They should be my passion. In Gods eyes, what I do with them is what really matters. They are my purpose, and in this season of my life, they need all my focus. It doesn't mean that I give up on myself, on my goals, on my hobbies. They are part of what makes me, 'me'. My passions may not be gigantic and influential, but they make me happy.
My mom, she makes me feel like it's ok to just be me. I don't have to be some big fabulous person who everyone loves and admires (pretty sure I'm not!) I think I matter to those that matter to me. And that's good.
I still wish I had more time to scrapbook (I'd have to say that's my passion, meager as it may be) it makes me breath, to relax, it regenerates me. So it's important to do these things. But as usual, it happens when I can squeeze it in between parenting, and cleaning, and blogging, and stuff. My life is good.
I just need to remember that!
I just neeeeeeeeed to remeeeeeeembeeeerr thaaaaaaat!