Monday, April 7, 2008

Mamma Love

Got me some good mamma love this last week. My mom, finally retired, finally able to come at my command (kinda...if it fits in her busy social life). Spent the last week with me and the kids. Don't think I've ever gotten a full solid, really more than that, week from her, ever. It was heaven to me. She is my airport tower, she grounds me. She is solid and down to earth. Despite me being sick almost the whole week, we still had some good times. She cleaned out my fridge, cleaned my stove, cleaned lots of dishes, and best of all, cleaned out my head!

I've still been struggling with finding my little corner of happiness with myself. Stress has taken over, it has sucked the life right out of me. Read recently on a friends blog about finding your passion. What's your purpose, what are you passionate about, what is your mark on the world? All those thoughts have been plaguing me. Am I making a difference, do I have a passion for anything, do I inspire anyone at all!!!??? Feeling like a big freakin' loser...that's what.

But then mamma comes along. We sat in the hot tub one night, till our skin turned into prunes...and there, she grounded me. She asked me the one question I'd never thought of. "Where else would you rather be?" "What else would you rather be doing?" Nothing. I've got everything I've ever wanted. To be a mom, to stay home with my children. To have a man who loves me. I've never dreamed of having some big career. I don't need the "world" to approve of me. Only my family is who I need approval of. They are the ones I need to influence. They should be my passion. In Gods eyes, what I do with them is what really matters. They are my purpose, and in this season of my life, they need all my focus. It doesn't mean that I give up on myself, on my goals, on my hobbies. They are part of what makes me, 'me'. My passions may not be gigantic and influential, but they make me happy.

My mom, she makes me feel like it's ok to just be me. I don't have to be some big fabulous person who everyone loves and admires (pretty sure I'm not!) I think I matter to those that matter to me. And that's good.

I still wish I had more time to scrapbook (I'd have to say that's my passion, meager as it may be) it makes me breath, to relax, it regenerates me. So it's important to do these things. But as usual, it happens when I can squeeze it in between parenting, and cleaning, and blogging, and stuff. My life is good.
I just need to remember that!
I just neeeeeeeeed to remeeeeeeembeeeerr thaaaaaaat!


FrankNApril said...

Carol~ You are only human! Jodi told me of two of her favorite books and as I read your blog I just thought I would share them. Love is A Verb by Mary Ellen Edmunds and Happiness:Finders,Keepers. You can get them cheap on Amazon.com. Anywho I enjoy reading your blog! April

Stephanie said...

I like your new about me section.

I feel your stress, life isn't going without some kind of stress. I just keep plugging along. Some days I am good to just make it through the day doing the things that have to get done. For example: take care of my children and their many needs. I am okay with that. Every now and again I sneek in some me time. Hang in there.

Jen@eighteen25 said...

hummm... i've been running those same questions through my head lately.

sorry you've been sick, but i'm glad you got to spend some special time with your mom! thanks for sharing that!

Kirsten said...

You inspire ME...and you ARE fabulous! Love ya!

Judy said...

I love your song.. Its very soothing and hip..
I am glad you are feeling better. You do rock!!! Its okay to be just there sometimes..

Heather said...

So beautifully expressed.
Aren't Moms good like that?... To help us see who we are, the important and special qualities that make us unique and reaffirm our importance in this world.
You are doing the most important work: being an example to your family.
We all feel this way. promise.
I think that you are wonderful and you inspire me!

VivaLasFloyds said...

I thought you would like this quote:
"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just like people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." Gordon B. Hinckley

Meaghan said...

I love spending time with my mom and I'm so glad she moved close to me. It's so important to have that support. Last summer changed all of our lives, it's a horrible and sad fact. The most important thing is you are there for your family and I think you're doing a great job.

g said...

Well, I think you're pretty awesome :) You know what would make us moms feel better? A Girls' Night Out one of these weeks. Don'tcha think??